OK, so I don’t consider myself a Nitpicker, and I’m not obsessed with Movie Mistakes, but there are a few things I just can’t digest about the second and third Matrix movies. Suspension of disbelief is essential especially in Sci-Fi movies, and I feel that certain inconsistencies in the latter two movies totally ruined it for me. The list is by no means exhaustive, so feel free to add your own in the comments.

• For some reason Neo can fly so fast cars explode when he goes by… but Morpheus fares just as well as him against an agent- on top of a moving truck.

• They have machines as tall as sky scrapers each with enough firepower to take out a large country, yet the only clothes they can produce are thermal underwear.
• Apparently everyone in the future is young and gorgeous. Except for the tribunal of twelve ancient people who fell out of a Benneton ad.
• They can’t make decent doors for their cave dwellings, but they have some sort of massive sound system for their huge underground raves.
• They have these huge ships that are way more advanced than our space shuttles, yet they are stuck on earth because they can only hover.

They say in an infinite universe, given infinite time, blah blah blah- apparently everything is supposed to be possible. Given that theory, here is a post that makes Chess seem fun and exciting. Theoretically, it was inevitable.

In honor of the term “McJob” making it’s official entry into our language, I have decided to begin a list of McJobs I’ve had. A McJob is “a low-paying job that requires little skill and provides little opportunity for advancement.” I got my first full-time McJob at 14. I looked older than I was; so consequently I was 16 for 3 consecutive years. Work was seasonal, too, and I usually had two or three jobs at a time. Mostly (best I could remember) in chronological order, here’s what I have so far:

• Sign Boat: I lived at the beach. My first job was changing the sign on one of those boats that go by saying stuff like, “Eat at Joes.” I was 13.

• Dishwasher: Crazy all-nite diner. I was 14 and the cooks used to beat me up.
• Bus Boy: Same place.
• Clothing Store: Union Bay. I lasted about two weeks before I thought I’d puke. Still 14.
• Ice Cream Shop: Fired and told never to work around food again.
• Arcade: It was fun for a while, cuz it was kind of “the hangout” for locals. Eventually the mix of every game at once drove me insane.
• Four Star French Restaurant: Bus Boy. Didn’t get beat up anymore.
• Art Gallery: Worked there a long time.
• Flea Market: Ran a booth for a Jem/Jewelry store.
• Night Club: Started at 15 checking coats, moved to bar-back. It was built over a gay bar so there’s many a funny story involving “Drag Karaoke.”
• Comic Book Shop: It was part-time so I worked for credit. Ultimate geek job, I got like $100 worth of comics a week.
• Landscaper: Lots and lots of digging. I liked it a lot cuz I was an angry kid and it gave me a chance to work out my aggression.
• House Painter: Lack of coordination can be very expensive. I once spilled 3 gallons of oil-based stain down the roof of a condo. And down the side. And all over the wooden patio below. Lots of fun stories there.
• Recycling Plant: Moved up very quickly on account of literacy. Started sorting plastic on a conveyor belt, went to shoveling plastic bits by the ton, and eventually made it to knob-twister for a giant machine. Blew up a grinder the size of my house.
• Warehouse: Picker, sorter, truck loader. I actually enjoyed that one.
• Sales: Like any good sales job, it was for some fraud of a start-up company. I was 18 by then.
• Hyatt: Answering Phones and Front Desk. Met a bunch of famous people and was actually offered a radio spot.
• Concrete Painter: Long story.
• Pizza Maker: I liked that one.
• Director of Events: That was college. Got to take Jimmy Fallon to an all-nite diner and talk about the Simpsons. Also met a slew of other cool peeps.
• Intern to become a Minister: Not a McJob but it does really round it all off, doesn’t it?

Now I’ve sold out to the man and wear a suit to work. But I look back at all my McJobs with fondness. Not many people get to experience what I have- there’s so many cool stories it’ll fuel posts for a long time. Have you had a McJob? What was it? What was cool/uncool about it?

The following stories are to be considered a public service announcement from E&H.com. Please learn from other people’s mistakes.

• How NOT To deal with a missing bike.

• How NOT to combat the rising costs of Health Care.
• How NOT to deal with your Marital Problems.
• How NOT to confront your gambling problem. Alternatively titled, “How not to pass the time after killing your husband.”

Wo. Check it out: Hyper-Cow caffienated milk. It’s a great time to be alive.