I want to take a minute to thank our loyal readers at EDADKINS.com for your support in 2004. The both of you have made what was supposed to be an informative way to keep in touch with family and friends become a complete drain on my productivity and fed my obsessive need for attention. Thank you.

Thank you for letting me slide for that crazy malfunction which left half of my blogroll exposed during the halftime show.

Thank you for so thoroughly searching me for WMDs. That tickled.

Thank you for believing me after that shady incident in Colorado which kept me off the blog for so many weeks. I think we’ve all been saved at least once by the patron saint of unwashed skivies, no?

Thank you, gentle readers. For it was you who grabbed my arm and suggested, perhaps it was time to stop those innocent sleepovers with little boys.

Thank you for looking past little things like the compromising infra-red videos that surfaced on the internet. Both myself, the midget and the various farm animals featured on it fought a long battle to suppress those tapes and move on with our careers.

Thanks for labeling anyone who failed to consider my religious movie a life-altering event a heretic. You made me a lot of money.

Oh, and my political propaganda movie was a total success thanks to you. Unfortunately, it probably initiated a reaction amongst moderates which helped tip the election the opposite direction, but at least I won big at Cannes!

Thank you for feverishly consuming anything I called Reality TV like it was smack. It saved me a ton of time on distractions like scripts and creative ideas.

By the way, I am still really embarrassed that my band started playing the wrong tune when I was on SNL. I promise, I hardly ever lip synch on the blog.

Thanks for letting me finally grow up. I couldn’t be your pop princess forever and you have to get used to me making my own decisions- and then having them annulled.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for not letting me marry any gay people. That was a close one!

And who could have guessed that my IPO would make me so stinking, filthy rich? I’m not going to splurge though- I’m saving up to buy the 2008 presidential election.

You have made 2004 an incredible success, and for that I will be forever grateful. We’ve laughed, we’ve cried and we’ve been caught reporting misleading news. I only have a few tiny requests for 2005:

• Watch Scrubs and Arrested Development.

• Start making more rock music.
• No more trilogies and epics.
• We need to get a bit smarter as a nation. Either learn something or shoot a dumb person.
• Someone tell Snoop and Chappell to quit giving white kids cliché catchphrases. Nah, scratch that- I can live with that.
• Encourage those who spread love and understanding. Let me make fun of them.

This year just might be so much fun we’ll poop our pants. Together.

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