There is an effect. A tremor within ones soul which can only be brought on by a life and death situation. It is when we are occasionally confronted by our own mortality that life truly finds meaning.
Just as many of you readers have certainly encountered in the last few weeks, I too have felt a stirring from deep, deep within me while watching the recent television coverage of the Schiavo case. Of course, I believe it was a quarter-pounder that had been lodged in my colon for the better part of the week.
With that load off my chest (end horrible image) I’ve been consumed lately with the idea that I too could at any moment I may be rendered a zucchini by a massive physical trauma. And imagining myself in that tender state, I keep trying to answer one question: “would Heidi still love me if I was basically reduced to a permanent Jell-O mold?”
So I test her. Most of the time she’ll come out of the shower, and there I am sprawled out in front of her dresser, clutching my heart and drooling up a storm. Occasionally when I’m really into it I’ll pretend to follow a balloon as it floats overhead or even duct-tape a garden hose to my belly. Does it even faze her? She merely steps over me and proceeds to put on her makeup.
Cold. So I guess if I want to stay married I better eat healthy and watch my cholesterol.
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COMMENTS / 3 COMMENTS
Shane added these pithy words on Mar 31 05 at 9:37 amFor the last three days I’ve been turning the channel to CNN and Fox News just to see if Terri Shiavo had died yet. A week ago I would have bet you my life savings that Johnnie Cochran would have outlived her, but it looks like the remnants of what was once a functional brain just refuse to give up. I say that someone should go in and put the feeding tube on the table next to her and if she really wants it, she’ll pick it up. That’s what my high school basketball coach would do.
Shane's High School Basketball Coach added these pithy words on Mar 31 05 at 4:35 pmHey, Terry Shiavo is a great rolemodel for me.
If I’ve learned anything from this whole thing it is that if you sit around in your bed without moving long enough you will end up on TV. I’m going on 13 years with absolutely no brain activity, I’ve been contacted by Fox News and CNN is showing some interest (fingers crossed). My deal is that doctors are with holding the ESPN original series “Tilt” from me (except on Easter
in honor of Jesus’ gambling addiction). So tonight when you’re going to sleep watch a little extra “Tilt” for me… you know it’ll be on.
Becky added these pithy words on Apr 01 05 at 11:03 amWell, at least you know where you stand if you ever do become that flesh-eating zombie.
