Best of 2004 Volume 792

Originally Aired January 7th 2004

Stupid White-Boy Comment #432

I used to think that if I was black I would like to be huge. Like a big old club bouncer at some blues place. With a deep scratchy Barry White kind of voice. Always makin’ obscure musical and historical references that only other older black people understood. And I’d get the newspaper every day from the same street-wise vendor, who would trade musical trivia questions or odd funk-sounding riddles just before we tapped fists in a cool, black secret-handshake sort of way. Plus, I’d know everyone in the whole city, and they’d all say “whaddup” as they passed by- and we’d exchange knowing glances. At my place I’d have all kinds of hard-to-find jazz recordings on vinyl, and a few black-and-white pics of me with people like Maya Angelou or Thelonious Monk.

Now I figure I’d just wanna be the smoothest man alive.

By Ed Adkins on December 20th, 2004 at 11:47 pm

Topics: From The Vault