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Butterfly Defect

Huuuuuunnnnngggghhhh“…nobody associated with making this movie can possibly emerge unscathed.” -Bob Longino, Atlanta Journal-Constitution.

I haven’t actually seen the movie, but I figured I might as well review it anyway.

First, take the title, “Butterfly Effect.” The same people who are going to walk away having enjoyed this movie are the ones who will utter an audible sound of astonishment when the movie spoon-feeds you the meaning of the title. That profound exposition alone will cause them to leave the theater content.

HuuuuuunnnnngggghhhhWhat I’ve garnered form the trailers? Looks like boy is in love with girl. Girl dies. Boy is a genetic freak who can turn back time by holding his breath and pushing like he’s majorly constipated. Eventually- BAM! Time turns back and she’s alive! *Psyche!* Splat- she’s dead. Again. Once more with the constipation. BAM. This time he has no arms. Huunnnnrrrgghhh!!! BAM! This time she’s a ho-bag. Huuhhhnnggghhhhhh- people outside the restroom are starting to think he’s giving birth- his nose is bleeding and all the veins are popping out of his head…. BAM!!! Whoa- now she’s that fat goth kid with the spiky hair, but by now he’s learned his lesson about playing with nature. Ashton settles for her in fat-goth-guy-form. At least he keeps his arms.

End of movie. You either (1) feel ashamed and used for having not only allowed the theater to do this to you, but also you paid them money, OR (2) you’re like “ooooohhh Butter-fly effect! OMG that makes sooooo much sense!” Either way you can’t stop thinking about how life could be if you could turn back time.

By Ed Adkins on January 25th, 2004 at 7:02 pm

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4 Responses to “Butterfly Defect”

  1. mrjerz Says:

    January 25th, 2004 at 8:16 pm

    There is that third option. You are retarded and think Ashton kutcher is the hottest thing since James Dean. Notice how they haven’t shown him actually do or say ANYthing in the trailers? That might be, just maybe, because he CAN’T ACT.

  2. mrjerz Says:

    January 25th, 2004 at 8:18 pm

    Dang, for got thi one. He comes on at the end of the movie and is all, “You paid to see this? Well, looks like you’ve been PUNKED! Man I love HTML comments and caps lock keys.

  3. Enrique Says:

    January 26th, 2004 at 12:38 pm

    I think Ed should have his own Movie-review show.
    That is one of the most accurate and funny (the constipation part classic) reviews I have ever read; here’s to Ed’s reviews…

  4. Ed Says:

    January 26th, 2004 at 8:22 pm

    Thank you, thank you. I do it all for my fans.