Can I get an AMEN?
It’s gone far enough. What has, you ask? A sick and disturbing trend in American Culture. An Abomination- a desecration of what should be a sacred event. People have taken something magical, something beautiful and are in ever-increasing numbers smearing it with filth. They make it a dirty thing- a thing to be despised.
What is this of which I speak? I’m talking about people who talk during movies. Yes, I have gone there. What the heck are they thinking? I went to a horror flick last weekend and the audience would not shut up for a second! It’s not just horror flicks though- it’s everything. They cheer, boo, yell out comments to the screen or just about anything.
Do you remember the roar of clapping when Yoda got all sick-wicked on the bad guy in Star Wars Episode I? Who the heck are they clapping for? IT IS A MOVIE- MOOOOOVIIEE. Not a play.
At the movie last weekend, the guy next to me kept reading everything he saw on the screen. I’m sure he meant well, trying to help the rest of us illiterates enjoy the movie too. He also supplemented the film with play-by-play commentating, spewing out jewels like “Daaaang, he got hiz heead cut rite off!” and “Dat ain’t scary, dat ain’t scary…” and who could forget “She go in dere an’ she gon’ get keewed.”
To those who participate in this debasement of American Cinema, I beg you- buy a DVD player and stay home. Yes, I know you think you are adding to the film’s entertainment value, and No, I dont know why the director failed to hire you on as a narrator, but the fact remains that he didn’t. Why do you feel that you have to do this? Do you need attention or a sense of belonging or something? The theater is not the place for your cry for help.
I pay $8.50 because I want to see and hear the movie- sans commentary. When you enter the theater, be aware that it is a place of refuge for some- an escape from reality, from crying babies, ringing cel phones, and perhaps from you. Accept it. Learn to enjoy it for what it is. And for the sake of all that’s good and holy let me too.
August 20th, 2003 at 1:44 pm
Don’t forget about the people who like to chew really loud - opening candy wrappers, slurping their drinks…I think that’s why there has been a rise of personal home theater systems…
August 20th, 2003 at 1:53 pm
Oooooohhhh, don’t EVEN get me started on those guys… wait a second- maybe they’re placed there in the theater by the home theater manufacturers! No, but interesting idea.
August 20th, 2003 at 3:01 pm
You forgot to mention the people who bring canned sodas to the theater and can’t hold on to them so their can of soda rolls down to the front of the theater, hitting many chairs on the way and spilling its contents all over your brand new bag.*sigh* You can always tell who those people are because they are the ones who are chuckling to their friends and loudly whispering that they dropped their soda.
August 20th, 2003 at 8:06 pm
Um.. I… I’m really sorry about that one. When are you gonna let me live that down?
August 21st, 2003 at 2:46 am
okay, after i wipe the tears from my eyes i can now speak. ed, you have a crazy-hilarious sense of humor unlike any other. and let’s not knock the crying babies. yo.
August 21st, 2003 at 7:56 am
Your baby is an exception, sis.
August 21st, 2003 at 9:31 am
Darn babies.
You get a loud “Amen brother” from me on this one.
Although if you are speaking of “Freddy vs. Jason”, well…a horror movie is made for that kind of audience. That’s what makes going to a horror movie so special. Especially one like “Freddy vs. Jason”: The granddaddy culmination of all good horror-slash em’ flix. You gotta yell out, “She go in der, she gonna get her head keeled!”
August 25th, 2003 at 1:40 pm
It must be nice to only pay $8.50 for a movie. If I want to see a movie and endure the additional commentary I have to pay $8.75.
October 21st, 2003 at 1:40 pm
you guys are very funny. i do love talking in movies because half of the time i have no clue what they are talking about