Dive into the archives.
- Lap Up All The Luxury
Here’s another little insight into just how twisted my mind is. I had just got back from the conference in phoenix hell, and I was unpacking my crap & Heidi and I were talking…
HEIDI: So that hotel was pretty nice, huh?
ED: Oh yeah- real swanky. Apparently they’re known for their beds. It’s supposed to feel […]
- Disturbing Love
ED: Have a great day at work bun.
HEIDI: You too.
*smoochy smooch*
ED: If we weren’t married I would soooo have to stalk the hell out of you.
HEIDI: *feigned swoon* You are so romantic.
- Lovey Dovey Mushy Suicide Talk
ED: Do you ever wish I was normal?
HEIDI: (pause) no, never.
ED: Hm. Yeah. That would suck so bad you’d want to die.
HEIDI: I don’t know if I’d go that far
ED: Admit it. If you had married [normal ex-boyfriend] you’d want to kill yourself. He’s totally normal.
HEIDI: Yeah.
ED: Of course I’d probably want to kill […]
- On Babies and The Stare
On the phone with my stepmom last night, driving home…
STEPMOM: So you guys getting excited?
ED: Holy crap yes. We can’t wait to see the baby.
STEPMOM: How is Heidi feeling? She OK?
ED: Yeah. She just wants the baby out tho.
STEPMOM: Yeah the last month is like that.
ED: YOU STUPID FAT WHORE!
STEPMOM: …
ED: LET ME IN WHORE! […]
- Booty Check
ED: When you were paying, this guy in a grey sweater was totally checking you out
HEIDI: No.
ED: Totally. He looked you up & down several times.
HEIDI: I hate that.
ED: He seemed rather fixated on your butt. At one point he mouthed the words, “oh yeah.”
HEIDI: Holy crap. That’s sick.
ED: Yeah.
HEIDI: Well what did you do?
ED: […]
- *Ding*
So last night Heidi and I were getting all snuggly, as we often do (we’re so sickeningly affectionate people have to think it’s a front) and- as often does- the snuggletalk began.
ED: Der’s a baby in the ubben.
Heidi: Yet dere id. Der id a baby indere.
ED: And soon id gonna pop out when id done.
Heidi: […]
- The Beer Heard Round the World
Yes, gentle readers, this is yet another EADC exclusive. Much ado has been brewing over the melee that broke out at Friday’s game between the Indiana Pacers and the Detroit Pistons. Punches were landed, fingers pointed and suspensions dolled out- but could it be that the REAL reason Ron Artest stormed the crowd after being […]
- Mr. and Mrs. Spleen
HEIDI: Did you know the baby can tell the difference between our voices?
ED: From in there? Huh.
HEIDI: Yeah.
ED: That’s nuts.
HEIDI: I wonder what she thinks we look like.
ED: I dunno… organs?
- Don’t Wake Me- Think of the Children
Very, very early this morning…
Heidi: Honey, get up.
Ed: Ung
Heidi: Wake up honey- we have to leave early to vote.
Ed: Bun, do you think you could do me the biggest favor I’ve asked today?
Heidi: Hm.
Ed: Could I go back to sleep please? In my dream I was handing out food and toys to poor orphans.
Heidi: HON-ey…
Ed: […]
- Gordon, You Had Me At Hello
We went to see Sting last night. He was playing with that delightful she-male from the Eurythmics, Annie Lennox, and also guitarist Dominic Miller. If you’re ever in the Sacramento area and someone says “let’s go see a show at the sleep train amphitheatre,” please kill them. In the face. To get there, you must […]
