Nothing says “please kill me” like those photo Christmas cards. Every year I beg Heidi not to make me pose for one, and every year I lose.
For me, picking a location to take the picture has more to do with “what background will best hide my shame?” You have your basic poses too- each one has its own special place in the hell of lameness. Sooo…. for your reading pleasure, and so that I can dig the hole deeper with which to bury myself once Heidi reads this, I give you…
THE LIST OF PHOTO CHRISTMAS CARD CLASSIC EXAMPLES THAT SUCK:
- Let’s All Cuddle Up in Front of the Fire! This one is the classic Wal-Mart card pose. There you are, with your dogs and presents and kids- all posing on the rug where you conceived them. Nice.
- Look What My Wife Dressed Me In! I don’t have much to say about this one- just feel the shame dripping off it.
- We Did This Last Minute So We’re All Lined Up Under A Dead Tree! That one stays up all year on my fridge- just so everyone sees how cool you are.
- Hey Wow! We’re All Poking Out From Different Sides of a Tree! Ha ha- that’s great! How do you make your family look so gay? We have to try that!
- Check It Out! We Dressed Our Dog/Cat Up For Christmas! Those are fascinating. How could someone who owns a pet hate them that much? Nothing says happy holidays like totally humiliating your closest companion!
- Oh Look, We Took This when It was Summer Time! This is the one where everyone is in shorts, at the beach. Thanks- that’s just what I need to see when it’s 6 thousand degrees below zero and my car won’t start, jerkhole. Thanks for the condescending card. Die.
I just want to say it here, before you get yours:
I am so sorry. I really am.
If you can think of an alternative I could suggest to her, please leave it in the comments.
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COMMENTS / 9 COMMENTS
Swt GA HunnyB added these pithy words on Dec 20 04 at 12:37 pmI actually did not do the photo Christmas card, but I did take the kids for their annual Christmas (YOU BETTER SMILE NORMAL) photos. I included these inside the card, with name and age of each child and what year it was taken and basically sent them in EVERY freakin card I sent out. Like I’m sure Mr. and Mrs. So and So that I only met once for 5 minutes cares what my kids look like, but I don’t care! I paid a fortune for those pictures and everyone on earth will eventually see them! LOL
Arethusa added these pithy words on Dec 20 04 at 2:40 pmUhh…we just don’t do photo christmas cards. Ahhh, the life of an only child in a single parent family. Good times.
Becky added these pithy words on Dec 20 04 at 10:22 pmWhat if you Photoshopped your faces into one of your favorite scenes from Butterfly Effect? Or, something from Arrested Development? Your question made me think of the Seinfeld ep. where Elaine sent out all those Xmas cards with her nipple showing. With your sense of humor, I can only imagine what you’ll come up with.
wifey added these pithy words on Dec 22 04 at 11:31 amsorry, but i’m not going to have a “clothing malfunction for our next picture
But, we could get a little more creative next year!
srah added these pithy words on Dec 23 04 at 5:40 amNaked Christmas pictures. Or Glamour Shots. Eeeeeeeeeeeee!
sis added these pithy words on Dec 23 04 at 7:11 amed, you never disappoint. that was funnier than hell. and where is my card??
Friend of Wifey added these pithy words on Dec 27 04 at 11:03 amPersonally, I love getting them from other people, because I like to see how people have changed. (Fatter, thinner, shorter, taller, more family members) I would lose track, otherwise, of Heidster.
And I wouldn’t pose the pic so much as select a good one of the two of you (goofy or otherwise, but not indisposed, thanks anyway) from one of your adventures.
P.S.
Hey, Heidi, I dreamt a few nights ago that Angela was getting married. It was a HUGE wedding.
JDW added these pithy words on Dec 27 04 at 2:47 pmWhen you have kids, you no longer have to be in the photo. Just send a photo of the children or at least that is what my friends do. I prefer parents in the photo so I can see how having kids has aged and stressed out the parents but that is exactly why they opt of the photo.
Don Ricardo De Albuquerque added these pithy words on Dec 28 04 at 10:52 pmHere’s somthing really scary. I saw a card that was not only taken in the summer, but has also been taking up valuable refrigerator real estate since LAST YEAR!! (Shower scene music from Psycho plays at this point)
