Uncle Eddie has an assignment for you kids.
Ready?
Go get a baseball bat. Wooden preferably. We don’t want anyone getting killed here or losing an eye. Unless you simply have to hear that satisfying little “ting.”
Got it? Nice.
Now take that bat and hide out in a local public restroom. Check the stall after each person does their business.
Not to worry, I don’t want you doing anything sick. I’m not here to have you compromise your morals- you don’t even have to look into the bowl.
We’re hunting here. Hunting down the OCD nutjobs who leave behind their nasty toilet paper nests on public toilet seats. Apparently their asses are far too valuble to touch a public toilet, but it’s a privelage for us to have to remove it when they’re done? Ohhhh I long for the day when we will exact sweet, sweet vengance.
Simply: they. must. be. stopped.
And I envision a day- A glorious day when the people rise up to rid the land of their scourge.
“Hide In a Public Restroom Stall With a Louisville Slugger Day.”
Do you hear it? Do you hear the countless generations who came before us calling out for us to avenge them? Do you hear the hum of our collective anger finally reaching critical mass? It can all end with a flush and a thud- or a ting, of course, if you insist.
I’m thinking if we all go to our bosses with the idea we could get it off with pay.
Who’s with me?
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COMMENTS / 7 COMMENTS
Cigar Jack's Cigar Blog added these pithy words on May 09 05 at 11:20 amUrban Lavatory Hunting
Link: ED ADKINS DOT COM: HIAPRSWALS Day. Uncle Eddie has an assignment for you kids. Ready? Go get a baseball bat. Wooden preferably. We don’t want anyone getting killed here or losing an eye. Unless you simply have to hear
John Tiesi added these pithy words on May 03 05 at 1:58 pmI think fatherhood has made you certifiably crazy.
Arethusa added these pithy words on May 03 05 at 2:34 pmI’m relieved to say that I’ve never come upon such things and so can be saved from slugging duty. Thanks to Savage Love I actually know what a Lousiville Slugger is. Unfortunately.
Becky added these pithy words on May 03 05 at 2:58 pmI’m so with you! I hate that, esp. when they say that your own toothbrush or dish sponge has more bacteria on it than a toilet seat.
Rusty Staub added these pithy words on May 03 05 at 8:41 pmActually I don’t think anyone really puts toilet paper on the seat for heigene reasons at all.
I have substantial evidence of a secret society going back hundereds of years that leaves stalls looking like this so that we will think people go to the bathrooom like this. When in actaullity it is all staged. They sit just like the rest of us, but as they leave they sprall the paper all over the seat and floor, creating the intricate illusion that they used it. Sometimes they will even sit on it (with their pants up) to create a lifelike indent in the tissue. George Washington was one of them and so were many of the founding fathers. I think I learned most of this from ‘National Treasure’ but I can’t remember. Anyway, the next time you see this sham in some stall don’t fall for it! I’m tired of these people ruling our lives. End the lie…End the lie
Rusty Staub added these pithy words on May 03 05 at 8:43 pmor Hygiene reasons for that matter…
brando added these pithy words on May 03 05 at 8:47 pmi WAS with you until some freako broke my arm today in the toilet stall at O’Hare. It’s an automatic toilet seat cover, for fuck’s sake! I’m not gonna remove it just to keep Uncle Eddie from having to listen to Satan mock his crooked penis! Now i’ve got to shit in the urinals out of fear. Very funny. Real tomato ketchup, Eddie? No! That would be my blood!
