Quit talking about Britney Spears.

Seriously.

The next time you’re going to talk about something like Britney Spears or Anna Nicole Smith, just stop for a moment and take stock of your life.

What brought you here?

What sad string of events lead up to you, sitting at your sad little cubicle, browsing the internet on company time, perusing the pathetically catty gossipblogs to find something- anything- that would make you seem like you know what’s going on in the world.

What got you here? Nothing. Paying absolutely NO attention to your own god damned life or the world you live it in.

Here’s what you know about politics: gays want to get married and our boys are still in harm’s way off in the middle east.

Here’s what you know about economics: ______.

Here’s what you know about the environment: global warming is SO hot right now.

And here’s what you REALLY know about Britney Spears: Whatever her publicist wants you to.

Jesus. Listen to yourself. Do you have anything to add to a conversation outside whatever you managed to gleen from VH1 clip shows last night? Quit wasting that dim spark of activity in your head on crap like what’s wrong with Britney Spears.

She’s 22.

At 20 I had moved to the desert, been married and divorced, joined a cult and gone from honors student to a toilet paper delivery guy. Honest. I delivered toilet paper- and urinal cakes.

In 6 months she’ll clean herself up and be hailed as the new “it girl” again that everyone is saying is the ultimate role model for starting over- because you and everyone else will have totally forgot about all of this. Because that’s what you can be counted on to do.

Now, back to you:

How on track was your life at 22, and for that matter how is it going now if the most interesting thing about you is that you are up to date with the latest thing Britney Spears shaved from her body?

Read a friggin’ book and get back to me.

Update: Ever-vigilant EADC reader Angus informed me that Brit is in fact NOT 22. As it turns out, she is actually 25.

So fuck her. She’s had 25 years to clean up her act- I hope you all eat her alive.

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