Open Letter To Tom Green: Please Stop Sucking
That’s it. I’ve been avoiding this for too long. I can’t believe that someone who (1) cracked me up on many occasions (2) basically started the jackass craze and (3) looks remarkably like me has one of the all time worst blogs on the web.
You ramble on about boring mundane everyday crap like it’s interesting. You video taped your instant coffee ritual. You whine about criticism.
It’s amazing. You have no kids and yet somehow you qualify as a mommyblogger.
At first I just thought it was another joke. Like, “ha ha look at me- you’d expect my blog to be whacky crazy insane but I’m pretending to be boring! wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!”
No such luck.
Most of the time it’s “so, yesterday I took a train. the sun is really yellow today kids. I’m enjoying a great cup of instant coffee. sorry I didn’t post yesterday, lemme catch you up. i woke up, took a shower, ate food and skated with Tony Hawk. Then after I pooped I went to bed. See you tomorrow!”
Ugh.
Come on Tom, you owe us better. You owe me better- people always point at me and yell your name. And my blog kicks ass sometimes.
The first time I was going to sound off about the horrible awfulness of your site was when you were getting people to promote it by wearing homemade tom green t-shirts. Man, if you want promotion write well. Make us laugh. then you’ll get all kinds of traffic, and not just blurry pictures of soccer moms and star wars kids wearing crappy puffy paint t-shirts.
Now you’re getting all pissy about Martin Short, since he recently let everyone know you walked off that show where he was supposed to be a fat talk show host- because he hurt your feelings. You say you were upset because you thought martin went too far talking about your bout with testicular cancer- WHICH YOU DID A TV SPECIAL ABOUT.
This is coming from the guy who mimicked fellatio on a cow in a grocery store?
Who fashioned lawn ornaments of his parents engaging in various sex acts?
Who is ONLY KNOWN for doing the most ridiculous crap and making total fools out of people who never asked for it?
Comedian, make fun of thy self.
I’m sorry tom, but the joke is most certainly on you. The sad thing is you’re the one telling it. I can’t believe you could say the following :
The sad truth is. Martin Short hasn’t done anything funny since Ed Grimley. (he used to be on SNL) I find it sad, that someone who admittedly was once very funny, can become so mediocre and lame. I used to love the guy, cause he made funny faces and did some cool stuff thirty years ago. But now I just feel kinda sorry for him.
Tom. Tommyboy. Tom Ticky Tom tom. You know of course that with a couple minor changes that paragraph also describes you?
Then you have the nerve to attempt inciting some sad home-made t-shirt campaign against him? Come on- any real man in this day and age knows you settle a feud one way- through the medium of rap. Of course, its still unbelievable you’re even upset about someone MAKING A JOKE. What next? Anna Nicole Smith walks off the set of Stern because he didn’t treat her classy enough?
If you’re going to pollute the web with your thoughts, please shape up. Provide us something substantial. Give us some ha-has. Give us some insight. I had high hopes for your site. But in reality it’s comedic level lies somewhere between Campbell’s tomato soup ingredients and a watchtower article. Quit your pathetic juvenile boring crap and give us some pathetic juvenile funny crap before you’re completely forgotten.
April 11th, 2005 at 6:08 pm
There is no way that that blog is written by Tom Green. He does sound like a middle-aged mother of three. I recorded almost all of his shows on old-school VHS when it was first on MTV and he did some of the meanest shit that I have ever seen. Even if the questions from Martin Short were inappropriate, Tom Green shouldn’t be offended by anything. I wish that I could see that episode where he walked off, because even though I liked his show, I always secretly wanted to see him genuinely embarrassed and offended.
April 11th, 2005 at 6:55 pm
Ed, quiet please. Here I thought the guy had already just gone away and now you’re up there calling him out. Save us all the trouble of having to ever see his ass on television again, please. And don’t tell me you ever liked the guy. Unless you have some sort of fetish for people who look like you.
April 11th, 2005 at 7:27 pm
You’re NOT Tom Green? Then what the fuck am I leaving comments on your crappy site for? I thought you were in cognito.
I BLOGrolled you.
/Bitch.
April 11th, 2005 at 10:27 pm
Yeah, I was kind of surprised when I read his blog, too b/c it was quite boring. Maybe he should get married and move to Reno to be funny?
April 12th, 2005 at 6:56 am
It’s funny, ’cause I was wondering the same thing the other day.
MTV was running a bunch of old Tom Green shows, and my brother and I were laughing our asses off.
I then began to wonder what happened to him. But, not in a good way.
But, picking on Martin Short?
Martin Short isn’t funny, and hasn’t been for YEARS. He’s not the least bit relevant, and honestly, I thought he was dead.
I think it’s one of those backroom deals where each person agrees to start a “feud” to hopefully see their names in print again.
April 12th, 2005 at 5:33 pm
Carnival of the Vanities #134 years in the making
Here’s Carnival of the Vanities #134. My sack of goodies is positively groaning (regular readers will know that’s often the case at Zen Manors).
Okay, I did think about a clever format. Really. And what I came up with was exactly the same post I d…
April 12th, 2005 at 7:56 pm
I’m going with Mango’s take on the situation. I didn’t know that a) Tom Green had a blog and b) Martin Short’s show was still airing.
April 13th, 2005 at 12:12 am
HAHAHA!! I didn’t know anyone else was unfortunate enough to have stumbled onto Tom Green’s blog!!! The audio blog where he buys pants is totally excruciating!!
April 13th, 2005 at 11:10 pm
“It’s amazing. You have no kids and yet somehow you qualify as a mommyblogger.” LOL
April 15th, 2005 at 7:07 am
I agree with mrjerz. Don’t wake the monster. Your letter may lead him to believe that we want him back and I for one do not.
April 19th, 2005 at 12:48 pm
You all bow down to Martin Short, right now… do it! You get down on your knees and ask Martin Short to enter your heart and forgive you, right now! Martin Short is a forgiving man and if you turn from your blasphemes and worship him (and the new Pope) as your personal saviors you will be cleansed. Martin Short isn’t relevant… blah, blah, blah, ass noise, blah… Martin Short created you in his image and this is how you repay him, turn now and be saved
April 23rd, 2005 at 9:14 pm
actually, the real way real men settle their differences is through a dance-off, as evidenced by the epic bout between john stewart and tucker carlson. you can read about it here.
April 25th, 2005 at 7:41 am
i’m sorry copygodd, but i stand by my original statement- rap is the universal man-duel medium. back when i was in the g-unit we swore by it. getting served is so 2004.
September 16th, 2005 at 9:18 am
I am sorry (or maybe not) that I do not know who you are. I am writting to tell you, YOU SUCK. Do you not realize this is America? People are entitled to have Blogs and share their opinions. Freedom of Speech, heard of it? Tom Green is AWESOME. Martin Short went over the line with his comments on Tom’s cancer. What he said was RUDE at best. Tom shared his cancer special to help others at his own expense. How dare you compare the two. You are entitled to your own opinion of course. I accidentally stumbled across this NONSENSE while doing a search for Tom Green. I am never again going to return to this SICKENING and NEGATIVE pile of ROT that you call a site. You are very misguided and if any of you had spent anytime reading Tom’s Blogs you would know what a decent and caring person he is. Which is more than I can say for this negative excuse for a website. At least Tom is kind and cares about peoples feelings. YOU SUCK.
September 16th, 2005 at 12:39 pm
Wow. Let’s just say there are thousands of people who disagree with you. I think Tom’s blog is the best out there. Bar none.
Let’s also say that it’s a little disappointing that there are people like you who think that spouting off without any tact counts as worthwhile.
September 16th, 2005 at 12:59 pm
I disagree on the Martin Short not being funny thing. He did a few episodes of Arrested Development and played Uncle Jack, a paraplegic letch who commands a large German man to carry him around Officer and a Gentleman style. He spits up if he is shaken too hard and commands his german boy to “shoot me”, which means to throw him. That’s comedy.
September 16th, 2005 at 5:10 pm
I agree, you’re an asshole. Tom Green rocks! His movies rock, his shows rock. What have you ever done with your life that made you famous?
Also i agree with Tom….shave your goatee. You look like a side-show clown. You know, the ones where you insert the table tennis balls and try to score points? Old School.
September 17th, 2005 at 12:38 pm
Hi. You’re a complete twat. Your blog is abysmal. Tom Green is a legend. You’re just a twat.
September 18th, 2005 at 11:56 pm
Eddie Got Fingered
I wish that a big Hollywood celebrity would take note of my blog. Ed Adkins, one of the first bloggers whose material I began reading on a regular basis, was recently cited on Tom Green’s blog. Apparently, Ed posted…
September 19th, 2005 at 9:31 pm
OMG, sweets.
Yer famous!
September 22nd, 2005 at 8:40 pm
I just checked out Tom’s blog and it positively, absolutely SUCKS!!! You’re 100% right. The most boring shit ever. Martin Short is a legend and Tom Green’s career(?) was over long ago. He is just riding on the fact that people still know who he is. He can’t even fucking spell. A 3 year old could write a better blog and have less spelling errors.