PocketBikes Need to Fall Down a Well
Pocketbikes are good for one thing: Natural Selection.
They help those of us in far less ridiculous transportation take an active part in weeding out the species with little more than a slight jerk of the wheel. Thank you, pocketbike maker.
As for the kid who rides past my house 30 times a day, driving his insanely loud clown bike with the most hard-core, aspiring criminal “check-out-how-badass-this-15-year-old-is” look on his face, you suck. You’re the punch line in a 15 mph joke. Put the engine back in the lawnmower and make yourself useful.
Which begs the question: Just why would someone make such an obviously bad choice with their disposable income?
Fotunately, I stumbled upon the answer.
The following direct quotes from actual purchasers of Pocketbikes, overheard at an actual Pocketbike dealership (really just a guy selling them out of a Uhaul in the Best Buy parking lot) answer my very quesiton…
Why are you buying this Pocketbike?
- I need something to keep away the chicks. They have cooties.
- Honestly, I would ride an ostrich if it were trendy.
- Regular sized bikes are for cool people.
- I had to find some way to spend the money I got from winning the POG tournament.
- I am a midget. (ok, that’s cool)
- I had to give up my Vespa when I stopped listening to EMO.
- I’ve always loved the feel of my knees against my cheeks.
That’s for you, loyal readers- an EDADKINS.com exclusive. I hope it helped you as much as it did me.
October 8th, 2004 at 5:57 pm
When you push those down the well, can you please make the motorized scooters go with them? Or anything else that 10-year-olds ride up and down the street at 9:30 pm with their parents standing outside laughing and talking loudly?
October 10th, 2004 at 9:11 am
Heh. Good one!
Based on this, I nominate you for a spot in the SFCC.