Saying No To Crack

So at 27 I’ve started to think about getting healthy. Not the kind the vegan/granola weirdness healthy, but longevity healthy. Heidi works at this retirement home and comes home with all these stories about old people and their oldness, and I’ve started wondering, “just how long can is this body gonna make it?” An old Bloom County strip had Binkley’s Dad wondering how his heart kept pumping when his car couldn’t go two months without busting something.

I’ve decided to quit crack.

So admittedly I’m starting small, but it’s not proving easy. The other day I thought, “If I stop some of my bad habits now, maybe I’ll be ahead of the game come 30- and I’ll be able to cheat death a little. Now, I’m a big cracker- wait, that’s true on so many levels. But the point is, I like to crack stuff: my knuckles, my neck, my back- I even get my shoulders, toes and knees once in a while. And I know it’s not good for you- so I’m trying to quit-but man, it’s tough.

I thought smoking was supposed to be the toughest habit to break- whatever. cracking stuff has got to be the worst. There’s Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, even Over-Eater’s Anonymous- but just try to find Crackers Anonymous. You can’t- because no one’s got a death wish big enuf to try that. It’s stinkin impossible to quit. I’ve cracked my knuckles three times already just writing this.

The best I’ve managed has been almost a week before I fell head first off the wagon. I can’t decide which is harder to quit- my neck or my knuckles. It just feels so darn goooooood to do a nice neck crack. And you know what I’m talking about- when you’re all tense, nothing feels as good as the cik cik cik cik craaack as you twist your head left to right and back again. And then there’s the one where you impress everyone cause it sounded like you broke a frozen cat in half. But you don’t dare look around the room to address your fans- you just act like it’s business as usual. Dangit- I’m not supposed to glamorize the habit- I’m trying to kick it.

Oh well. I’m trying and I guess that’s all you can ask. I’ll keep you guys updated while I continue to get my healthy on. Your job is just to keep pouring in all the support and stories of how you’ve overcome this terrible burden yourselves.

By Ed Adkins on October 23rd, 2003 at 3:20 pm

Topics: Greatest Hits • Random Observations