I think I imagine this about 4 or five times each night before going to bed. It’s a pretty vulnerable situation- here you are about to close your eyes and ears to the world for 6 to eight hours or so. Just before allowing sleep to take over each night I picture what I would do if I wake up to see an ominous silhouette in the doorway.

(ED. note: Of course lately they take the form of a lifeless zombie- most likely the initial representative of thousands searching out a warm meal in my neighborhood in the event that the world has been taken over by the living dead, but it could easily be exchanged for a normal burglar or something.)

Well, I’m pretty sure that it’s a regular thought for most men- at least once in the last few months you’ve got up from peaceful slumber to do a security sweep of your house at your wife’s request. I grab various things for the patrol. I’ve donned the brass candlestick from the nightstand, I used to keep my old lacrosse stick under the bed, and more times than not I’ll wrap this really heavy belt around one hand ’cause I imagine the buckle would make a healthy impression on any would-be intruder.

Well, this guy is my hero (story). In the process of beating the ever-living crap out of the guy who broke into his house and tried to kidnap his son, he broke not just one golf club, but two- and a fire poker- over this guy. Nice work. The police found the dude later wandering the neighborhood- prolly delirious. Greg McMurray, you have now been entered into the running for the 2004 Manly Man Award

What was that guy thinking breaking into a house on “Wild Irishman Lane,” anyway?

Thanks to Dave Barry for the story.

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