First let me say that I absolutely hate the torrent of crappy new words people create for blogging terminology. Actually in any medium/channel/industry right now there’s a whole gaggle of pretentious twitbags spouting off new terms every couple of days as if they’re laying golden eggs.

But I’m allowed to come up with stuff because I’m funny.

I’ve got a new term for when people run out of interesting things to say and resort to posting graphic sexual content in order to bring visitors to their site.

are you ready?
(more…)

Just what is a daddy blogger, friends?

In order to be one must you simply just have kids? Or must you also suck? Many a blogger abhors the day they’ll become a parent, and subsequently have to start writing about poopy diapers and soccer matches.

Along with the recent addition of my little bundle of perfection, edadkins.com has been hounded with inquiries as to the future direction of the blog. The NYT, the Observer, Wall Street Journal- all of these publications have quite possibly been trying to call me to find out. People have quit their jobs, left their families, camped outside my doorstep- all to get an answer. An answer to a question that just might redefine why we even have an internets.

The question, “so, now that you have a kid are you gonna become a daddy blogger, or what?”

That is an ignorant question. I most certainly will not.

Or maybe I will.

The definition of “daddy blogger” is awfully loose. Look it up, see? No one really knows what it is. Many parent bloggers get a bad rap because (1.) they can’t write for crap and (2.) regardless of how dull and pointless their ramblings are, other parents flock to their site like it’s a new fad diet and they get all the awards for “most humorous blog” when everyone knows I should win. Serious. The vast majority of Mommy and Daddy blogs read like scripts for Full House.

On one hand, I will be a daddy blogger. How could I not? My child is more beautiful and wonderful than any kid you could possibly ever have. I understand that becoming a daddy blogger could someday land me in the crosshairs of certain bloggers (mango, copygod, fat guy). I don’t sweat it.

On the other hand, having a child will not curb my acerbic wit. On the contrary, you’ll still catch me saying stuff like, “after watching the Grammy’s pre-show, I know I’m not the only one hoping Star Jones ends up on an Iraqi beheading video.”

So yes, I have joined the ranks of the daddy bloggers. I may someday be counted among the legendary heavy hitters like Zeroboss, Genuine and Dooce. I just might even end up rich and famous, with my face adorning everything from cereal boxes to underoos. BUT fear not, gentle readers, for edadkins.com will always be your intelligent source for offensive, immature, and useless banter. Just now with more poopy.

This one is strictly for all the other losers out there who blog.

We need someone to write the plugin which will end the problem of expired material.

I think I have it in concept. I use trillian as an IM client. As I write, it adds hyperlinks to words that link back to wikipedia entries on the subject.

We need a similar plugin for blogs and our archives.

What if, as we posted, hyperlinks were added to our most used words- linking to dynamically created archives of all the other posts which used that same word or phrase.

Hello.

It would have to have a few features to make it work. First off, it would have to offer a blacklist of too-common words like “and” and “the” that we could add to and personalize. It’s sensitivity would have to be adjustable also.

I really think it would solve the problem of outdated material. Once something is posted it’s forgotten and that sucks. When I’m in a conversation I’m alaways pulling up pieces of old thoughts and making them new again. That’s how we think, how we communicate- why not make it a more natural process for blogging?

NO ONE BLOGS FOR THEMSELVES.

No one.

People who write a blog and try to pretend they just write it for themselves reek of the thick stench of pretentiousness. They rank along side girls who have words on their butts and people who whisper personal stuff really loudly. I see people write this crap all the time:

“I Don’t care who reads this”
“It’s so tacky- people fishing for traffic.”
“I don’t even look at my stats.”
“It’s not a popularity contest.”
“I hate Wil Wheaton.”

Sure. I believe you, you lying whore. That’s why you write your diary ON THE FREAKING INTERNET.

People who want to put their thoughts in a private place put their diaries ON PAPER, where it serves one single purpose- to teach their younger brother that girls get those thoughts too.

I write my blog because I want to be rich and famous. I don’t want everyone to like it- I want people with a sense of humor to become obsessed with it. I want them spending obscene amounts of time at work checking for my updates. I want them to neglect their personal lives, appointments, family and whatnot. I want them spreading the edadkins.com gospel to all ends of the earth until one day I’m climbing a mountain in Tibet with my horrendously large entourage when from atop a steep cliff I hear a lonely sherpa exclaim- “man i f*cking LOVE your blog.”

That’s why I do this. I would die if no one read it. I need attention. And I will stoop to some pretty low places in order to bring readers here. I’ll enter contests, visit tons of sites and leave crappy comments and kiss as much butt as I have to. And so will you.

So quit lying people and fess up. And don’t put words on your butt and try and pretend you don’t want people looking.