Last night NBC in all it’s brash confidence decided, like so many of history’s serial killers and horse whisperers, to tread the thin line between genius and infamy- and millions of lives hung in the balance. Last night they attempted to remake the glorious beacon of comedy that is The Office. It was a terrifying and nerve wracking night, waiting for it to premiere. It was like someone attempting an extreme makeover on my baby. She doesn’t need it in the first place, there’s no way you could make her better, so really I’m just waiting to see what kind of horrible monstrosity you’ve turned her into.

The only way I could handle the wait was by dulling my nerves with massive amounts of nigiri and sake at our favorite sushi joint.

So with the thick smell of raw salmon and seaweed on my breath, and a generous amount of cold sweat on my brow, I forced myself to watch. and below- for you, gentle reader- are my humble thoughts.

WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BABY: Ed’s guide to the US version of the office.

The BBC version of the Office. The single most perfect comedic presentation ever to be filmed. Ever.	The USA version of The Office. A fresh new take on an old favorite, or a sick twisted bastardization, savagely raping the beloved original? Let’s see.
Brent Rude, ridiculous, awkward and totally self-absorbed. He’s got management written all over him.	Michael Inept? Yes. As strong of a character as Brent? Notsomuch.
Tim A slacker’s slacker. Tim lives with his parents but he’s still the man.	Jim It’s good to see they went through the trouble of changing the first letter of his name.
Gareth The embodiment of all things evil in your office. Rule-addict, power-hungry, and pathetic.	Dwight A poor-man’s Gareth. He just might break this show.
Dawn She’s got a lame boss and a lame boyfriend. We all want to see her with Tim.	Pam Snore. Who wants to sexually harass someone who belongs selling country crafts at the flea market?

In my opinion, the premier of The Office showcased an OK remake of an incredible show. First off I don’t even know why we try this crap anyway. Whenever we Americanize British shows we make a strong case for another terrorist attack. The American version of “Coupling” was a miserable failure. With Kingdom Hospital we took a masterpiece, handed it to Stephen King, and allowed him and a bunch of network producers to totally gangbang it in front of the nation- thankfully no one tuned in anyway. I think everyone involved in filming it were forced to move to Canada.

As for last night’s premier, it’s alright. As long as you forget you ever saw the original- which is very hard since almost nothing in the episode was new. Also, don’t look for the subtlety of the original- jokes that were hinted at in the BBC version have to be spoon fed in the US (the racial jokes, the jello-encased office supplies)

Bottom line: I’ll watch a few more episodes and see if it gets better. I wish they had come up with all new characters and given the US Office its own identity. This would have even opened up the possibility of a crossover episode in the future if it’s a hit, and would have avoided the distraction of comparing it to its superior predecessor.

Of course, some people (jerz) shouldn’t worry because they have such a hard time distinguishing solid intelligent humor and friends reruns.

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