Why I (occasionally) Can’t Stand People

This story totally explains what totally ticks me off about people. Science teacher wants to teach the kids something that’s not boring. He says, “hey, if you drink too much milk, the body can’t handle the acids and you puke.” Kids say, “No way teacher.” He gets volunteers to drink milk. A lot of milk. A few puke. Right on teach; I wish I was in your class. BUT, the story takes a dramatically stupid turn! Later that night at little Johnny’s house…

Mother: Johnny, you need to finish your mush.

Johnny: I’m still kinda full- I drank a gallon of milk today.

Mother: Why would you do something silly like that?

Johnny: It was for science class. It was really cool, it made me puke all over the place!

Mother: WHAT?!?! The teacher made you puke?

Johnny: Calm down Mom, it’s just because the human body reacts to the extraordinary amount of acid in that much milk. I didn’t believe him, but it’s true- look at my shoes!

Mother: WHAT?!?!? You took acid in science class??!!??

Johnny: No, the acid is in milk-

Mother: HE PUT ACID IN YOUR MILK?!?!??!

Johnny: Mommmmm, chill out- it was for an experiment.

Mother: Well, no son of mine is taking acid-laced milk in science class! I’m calling the principal!

Johnny: Oh crap.

Mother: (on phone) Hello? Is this principal Skinner?

Prin. Skinner: (recording) Hello, you have reached the skinner residence. My phone lines are a bit tied up right now with angry mothers, but I will try to get back to you. If you are an angry mother, please rest assured- I am not going to look into the reasons why the teacher gave your children milk. That would take the same kind of critical thought that we discourage in school these days, and besides, it takes much less effort to just replace him. What is important is that starting Monday your children will be learning from some burnout who could care less about challenging their intellect. Thanks for calling. *beep*

Mother: Well, that takes care of that! Eat your mush dear before it gets cold.

By Ed Adkins on November 19th, 2003 at 12:15 pm

Topics: Rants